This Broken Mess of a Life

I honestly didn't research this surgery as much as I normally research things before hand. Mostly out of fear. And, I honestly am glad I did it that way. I would have been far more scared about the surgery if I'd watched videos first. But there are a few things I wish I'd known before going into this. One of them was how your bowels handle surgery and pain meds.   When I was done with surgery, one of the things they asked me was if I wanted stool softeners or laxatives.  At the time, I had attempted one time to get out of bed once and it was torture so I declined the poop meds. I didn't want to get caught having to rush to the bathroom when I didn't feel capable of doing that. Oh, what a mistake. The thing I didn't really take into consideration or know much about was how hard core pain killers really stop you up. I'd never had surgery before, nor had I ever been on that level of pain meds for any extended period of time. I started taking the

It's been 15 days. Overall, mostly things just get better each day. I'm weaned down about as much as I can be at this point on drugs. I had probably my most comfortable nights sleep last night. I feel, though, that I've gotten to the "cranky" stage. My back scar is to the point of being mildly itchy, tight, and annoying for anything to touch it. I am mentally clear enough to want to do a lot of things that I can't do and be annoyed by all the things I see around the house that I can't do. It's really hit me in the past few days that I have so many limits on what I can do. My biggest priority going into this was not to be "typical me" and to stick to the recovery plan and not push myself. So today I'm trying to figure out what I can do to be productive around the house that won't set back my recovery. And that's a surprisingly difficult list to come up with. In trying to be productive, I realized yesterday that if I want to

I walked 1 mile today. My doctor said that I should aim to working my way up to a mile by 3 weeks out. This morning, I went for a walk. I was alone so I took the walker. 10 minutes down the road ( which was really only a few houses down ) I was feeling good and just decided to go for a full 30 minutes which I roughly calculated to be about a mile. It actually took me 40 minutes, and the last few blocks were slow and tedious and pretty uncomfortable. And then I had the realization that my doctor probably meant 1 mile TOTAL IN A DAY, and not 1 mile TOTAL IN ONE SESSION. Ooops.

It's day 9 of my recovery from spinal fusion surgery. I had L5 S1 fused via a bone graft and some hardware and had posterior and anterior incisions (that means I got cut in the front and back). I've been meaning to write about this for a while but today was the first day I felt mentally clear enough to do it. Probably because today is the day I've taken the least amount of pain meds. When I initially had this surgery recommended to me over two years ago, I just googled "spinal fusion" and found a LOT.....and I mean A FREAKING LOT....of really bad stuff online. Lots of people complaining a lot about how horrible the surgery was for them. I admit, that scared me off, so I put off the surgery. The thing is........my particular situation wasn't getting better on it's own. And I was in line to lose most of the feeling in my right leg and maybe lose control  of my bowels. So about a year ago, I googled "spinal fusion SUCCESS STORIES" and th