This Broken Mess of a Life

Five years ago, I was really unhealthy and overweight. I know I weighed somewhere over 204 (I’m 5’6”), but when I crossed that 200lb threshold, I stopped getting on the scale.  Like lots of moms, I tentatively looked into things to try to lose weight. I tried Couch to 5k once and stuck to that for about a week. I’d go shopping and try to buy what I assumed was “diet food”. But I was super uncommitted and uneducated, so it was a recipe for failure. I was also going through a lot of turmoil in my life at that time. I was a newly divorced single mom and running my own business and really struggling. And one day a light went off in my head….. I deserved to be treated better than I was treating myself. Around that time, about four years ago, one of my oldest friends , who just so happens to run her own gym , told me about a program they were going to run at the gym. A 21 day weight loss challenge, guided by her and her nutritionist husband. At that point I had cut out beer ...

I read a lot of different stories online about what I might need for my recovery, so I thought I'd write up a little summary of the things I bought and needed, as well as the level of personal help I needed from my family during my recovery.

Another topic I was wondering about prior to my surgery and that I've seen a lot of discussions started about is medications during recovery. What do you get, how much do you get, and are you going to get addicted. In my first few cursory searches about meds after surgery, I got really concerned about addiction. Getting put on narcotic pain killers for months didn't sound appealing to me. In my case, most of the commonly prescribed pain killers make me vomit. Through trial and error over the past few years, I learned that Percoset won't make me barf. But that's all I had experience with. Let me take a few steps back.....

I was curious if surgery would make me lose weight. On one hand, you put your body through this major trauma and it has to heal itself, so you'd think it would cause a degree of weight loss. On the other hand, you are laying around for months so you'd assume that would negate that weight loss and maybe even cause weight gain. I randomly googled it one morning before my surgery and, apparently, LOTS of people ask this question and have LOTS of very interesting opinions about it. So what the heck....I'll throw in mine ( along with my experience thus far ).

Ok, maybe the title of this is misleading. Because, the first week or two of pain was really terrible. But I'm 4 1/2 weeks out now. And I'm going a little crazy. It's been over a month of log rolling out of bed and having to ask people to pick up my phone when I drop it. A month of walking really slow and getting tired really easily. A month of watching my family do all the chores....dishes, laundry, cleaning the bathroom. Maybe that sounds good, but for an OCD, Type A mom like myself, at this point it's kind of torture. I can't clean up after myself. I can't pitch in with the house hold cleaning. I can't organize my closet or spring clean the kitchen. And it's stupid little things too. I can't put on jeans, because they waist band kills my scars and I can't make my body do what it needs to do to get into jeans anyways. I can't cuddle with my husband at bedtime or my kids on the couch because I can't twist or bend. And when I'm ...

I honestly didn't research this surgery as much as I normally research things before hand. Mostly out of fear. And, I honestly am glad I did it that way. I would have been far more scared about the surgery if I'd watched videos first. But there are a few things I wish I'd known before going into this. One of them was how your bowels handle surgery and pain meds.   When I was done with surgery, one of the things they asked me was if I wanted stool softeners or laxatives.  At the time, I had attempted one time to get out of bed once and it was torture so I declined the poop meds. I didn't want to get caught having to rush to the bathroom when I didn't feel capable of doing that. Oh, what a mistake. The thing I didn't really take into consideration or know much about was how hard core pain killers really stop you up. I'd never had surgery before, nor had I ever been on that level of pain meds for any extended period of time. I started taking the ...

It's been 15 days. Overall, mostly things just get better each day. I'm weaned down about as much as I can be at this point on drugs. I had probably my most comfortable nights sleep last night. I feel, though, that I've gotten to the "cranky" stage. My back scar is to the point of being mildly itchy, tight, and annoying for anything to touch it. I am mentally clear enough to want to do a lot of things that I can't do and be annoyed by all the things I see around the house that I can't do. It's really hit me in the past few days that I have so many limits on what I can do. My biggest priority going into this was not to be "typical me" and to stick to the recovery plan and not push myself. So today I'm trying to figure out what I can do to be productive around the house that won't set back my recovery. And that's a surprisingly difficult list to come up with. In trying to be productive, I realized yesterday that if I want to...