Spinal Surgery Recovery - The Hardest Part Isn't the Pain

Ok, maybe the title of this is misleading. Because, the first week or two of pain was really terrible.

But I'm 4 1/2 weeks out now. And I'm going a little crazy.

It's been over a month of log rolling out of bed and having to ask people to pick up my phone when I drop it. A month of walking really slow and getting tired really easily. A month of watching my family do all the chores....dishes, laundry, cleaning the bathroom. Maybe that sounds good, but for an OCD, Type A mom like myself, at this point it's kind of torture. I can't clean up after myself. I can't pitch in with the house hold cleaning. I can't organize my closet or spring clean the kitchen.

And it's stupid little things too. I can't put on jeans, because they waist band kills my scars and I can't make my body do what it needs to do to get into jeans anyways. I can't cuddle with my husband at bedtime or my kids on the couch because I can't twist or bend. And when I'm laying down I'm usually propped up on a few sides by a pile of pillows.

I've been out of the house about a half dozen times now, but riding in the car is really uncomfortable, and I can't sit for longer than a half hour, so I can't really get anywhere far. When I have gotten out, I shuffle around stores and get annoyed looks from people who think I'm just being a rude, slow person. And I get tired pretty quickly. You'd be surprised how much stuff at TJMaxx or Target requires a person to bend or lift or twist in order to see it. I can basically look at the one shelf of stuff that is eye level, and forget looking through racks of dresses, especially if they are packed in tightly.

You really just don't realize how much you bend and twist your core until you can't do that anymore.

And I'm dying to get the to beach. It's been too long. I had this absolutely insane idea to go camping this weekend and I was all set to book the sites. But then the reality set in about how I would be absolutely NO help in sorting, packing, and loading. And how on earth would I get up and down out of an air mattress on the ground. And how much pain would I be in after sleeping on an air mattress four weeks after back surgery.

So I nixed that idea. But it made me sad that I'm so far away from a comfortable car ride to the ocean and being able to travel easily and comfortably.

Cabin fever doesn't begin to describe it.

The past few days I've pushed myself a bit and I've gone out in the car for three days in a row. And I woke up this morning and my tailbone was aching and my back is stiff and painful and I have some pretty strong muscle pain around where my new hardware is.

It's hard when you aren't sick, and your head is fine, and you feel like you want to do stuff....but you can't.

That's been the biggest struggle so far.

I'm trying to use today to refocus. Pulling out the books I've meant to read this whole time, do a little mental prep for getting back to work. Planning a trip in June or July when it'll be safe and comfortable for me to do it and enjoy it.


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